Day 30

I have sort of been dreading this topic, and maybe that's one reason it has taken so long to get here. Since the very first minute I saw this countdown I knew what picture would be added to my blog on this day. The last few months have been enormously crazy for me. I haven't really been able to get on my feet, and get myself together. 


It has taken me 78 days to finish a 30 day countdown, that's just a little ridiculous. Here it is though, the last day of the countdown. I'm finally getting done!


Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss


I've said it many times in my blog, but I'm going to say it one final time. 2011 was the worst year of my life. I never knew I could lose so many people that meant so much to me in one year.


I miss all the ones who have gone on before me, I miss them terribly. The loss I suffered on February 19th of this year was one of the worst ever. 10 months and 10 days later, I still cry from time to time and I probably always will.


I will miss my Aunt Tammy until the Lord takes me home to be with her. I loved her so much, and I still do. Losing her made the biggest impact on my life, and an enormous impact on the lives of my family. 


I know she is in a better place, but these months without her have brought holidays that she should have been here sharing with us. 


I know the Lord doesn't make mistakes. He is perfection, and his plans are perfect so I have to take some comfort in knowing that she is where she is supposed to be. It won't change the emptiness that I feel for her. I will miss her for the rest of my life.

Day 29

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.




Calvin Edward Kelley went home to be with the Lord on July 29, 2011. 


He was an amazing kid who had been through so much in his life. 


He was beyond loved and beyond blessed, he was also a huge blessing to everyone who loved him.


You couldn't catch a Calvin smile often, but when you did it looked like this. 


We will miss you Calvin, forever and ever. We will always have our memories of you and our pictures to share those precious memories with others. 


We love you Cal. We know you are having so much fun "skating with the Angels."

Day 28

Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.




I am not afraid to die. Guessing that probably sounds a little morbid, but it's true. I know where my soul will be when my heart stops beating.

Even with that though, I don't want to suffer. I know that I can't pick how I go, but I know that I would prefer not to suffer.

I also cherish the things I have. My husband, my children, and our puppy. I also love my belongings, although they don't make up my life my house is full of memories that reside in things from my past, things from my present, and my pictures. To lose any of those things would DEVASTATE me.

I'd say the only thing, other than losing a loved one, that I am afraid of is fire.

Fire destroys lives, it takes lives. It displaces families by taking their homes. It takes away things they need such as their clothing and ways to bathe or eat. I hate fire. I'm not big on bon fires or anything that could potentially create a huge fire.

I do light candles, and I do love them but I am cautious.

I am frightened of fire.

Day 27

Wow, it has taken me weeks and weeks to get back here. I feel so lost right now with everything that's going on. 

I'm supposed to be taking medicine for my thyroid, it was prescribed about 5 years ago. I've been doing a lot better in the last year about taking it, but I knew it was about time to have my blood drawn again so I just didn't call in a refill. I've been without it for about a month now and boy can I tell. 

Lethargic doesn't even begin to describe what I am most days. It seems like the world has been spinning so fast around me yet I've been standing still. I can't wait to pick up my meds and get back on my schedule. I like feeling well, and being productive. I like that I can manage my time well, instead of wanting to sleep all the time. 

Maybe when I get my medicine back in me, I will get my schedule back together and my blog will become a regular occurrence again, instead of just a hit or miss kind of thing. Thanks to all who were patient, and waited on me to get it together. I appreciate that. I also appreciate any comments, or joins. I love making friends. 

So now to continue with my 30 day countdown, that has actually taken me more like two and a half months. LOL 

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

I'm just a little bit proud to be his big sister! 


I love you Bubba!

A quick note

I don't really know if anyone has noticed, but I haven't been here in a while. I have been so busy here lately that's its pretty unbelievable. I feel so run down and ragged right now.

I did want to say however, that I haven't forgotten the ones who do read my stuff and I haven't forgotten my countdown. I just wish it hadn't taken two and a half months for me to finish a 30 day countdown.

Hopefully over the next week or so, I can get caught up since almost all my Christmas shopping and wrapping is done, and I have a four day weekend coming up next weekend. I know that most of that weekend will be filled full of Christmas activities, but I am going to try and get a handle on my time management and try to get my mind and body to feeling better again!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday. Talk to you soon!

Day 26

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

This isn't something that means a lot to me.... it's something that means EVERYTHING to me. 

I'm human. I'm a mother. I could never create a child for the sole purpose of saving a nation of sinners. I could not watch my child grow for 30+ years just to watch him go through such torture to save a world of people who half the time don't even accept me.

It's amazing to me that someone could be so selfless to live on Earth for years knowing that his destiny would be to die for the sins of others. I could never be that selfless.

I am so thankful for the salvation that I gained through this selfless act. I am so thankful that he gave something I never could. That's amazing to me, and there would never be enough words in the world to say how thankful I am. I could never do anything that could repay him for giving me my salvation. 

Day 25

Day 25 - A picture of your favorite day.

I guess technically this was another favorite night not day, but I won't be technical. 

On this night I enjoyed the BEST concert I have ever been to, and I have been to many. I am a music lover and to see the people that you listen to on the radio, live in front of you, well it changes you. 

I have been to many country concerts, but this was my first in Contemporary Christian concerts. I was in Heaven. My bestfriend bought me two tickets to see 3 of my favorite bands in one arena... The Afters, Sanctus Real, and Casting Crowns (all of whom I have blogged about before.) There was also a young lady named Lindsey McCaul with them, and we didn't get to hear her but she did get to come out on the stage later and sing with Casting Crowns and all the other acts.

I love going to church. I love my church and my church family. I don't make it every Sunday, but I try. Going to the Civic Coliseum and seeing so many people gathered together in the name of the Lord was amazing. To watch them move to the music, and raise their hands in praise was such a moving thing! I hope they come again soon, and I hope I get to go!

Matt Hammitt of Sanctus Real with Mark Hall
and Megan Garrett of Casting Crowns.

And again!

"I'll praise you in this storm" <3 it

Everyone raising their hands in praise. So touching

Living he loved me
Dying he saved me

Buried he carried my sins far away

Rising he justified freely forever

One day he's coming, Oh glorious day....
~And what a glorious day that will be~

Josh Havens of The Afters on stage
with Casting Crowns

Lindsey McCaul

Matt Hammitt with Mark Hall again

More of the Afters with Lindsey McCaul and Megan Barrett

Day 24

In the spirit of trying to get myself back on track, although I really don't see it happening this week, I am going to pick up where I left off on my countdown. Honestly, I fell behind a little on these because some of them are hard, and this one is no exception. There is so much in this world and in my life that I wish I could change, more so in the world surrounding me though! It's hard to pick just one, as I am so passionate about the things that go on around me. I did my best though, and hope that now I can stay on track and get back to being myself!


Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.


Being such a passionate person, I find it hard to narrow it down to just one thing that I would change if I could. There is so much evil in the world and if I could single handedly take away all the evil in the world, I wouldn't take another breath until it was done! 


I live in a very large and busy city. Knoxville is a bustling city with vacant apartment buildings and houses everywhere. On one of our busiest streets, Broadway is where most of Knoxville's homeless population congregates. The interstate runs over Broadway and makes a "good" place for the homeless since the bridge area is so large. There is also a Salvation Army located right there, almost under the bridge.


When I say a "good" place for them, I don't mean that literally. There is no good place for a homeless person except a HOME! There is not one time that I drive down Broadway and don't cry. It breaks my heart to see them there, and it doesn't just have to be in the cold of winter.

I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could make life better for all those people who can't seem to make it better for themselves. It's the saddest of situations, and I've come to see that all I can do is pray for those people. 

Fallen Behind

No, this post is not about my hinney starting to droop, although I'm sure that one day it will.

I feel like I haven't blogged or read one in about a year, even though it's only been a few days. This past weekend was a trying one and it took all my attention and energy.

I have been beyond blessed with a healthy baby girl! She has been my best asset for years now, and she is never sick. One time, when she was maybe 3 or so she got a double ear infection and strep, since then nothing.... well, until the dreaded 2011 hit.

Now, let me say that 20-eleven has brought some amazing things... babies who are so special and so precious, a little more peace in our home and relationship, a change in jobs that has made my life so much more bearable, and new friends. Twenty-11 has also brought some of the most horrible experiences of my life, and I have needed many prayers this year. Much of my family are at odds with each other, I have experienced 4 deaths close to me, and my HEALTHY, wonderful, amazing baby girl has been in the hospital twice this year. Yes, I said twice.... nothing since she was around 3 and this year has brought 2 hospital trips. That makes for a very uneasy Mommy!!

First was the ankle incident, which happened before I was blogging regularly and I'm sure I will end up blogging about it one day. Then this month brought us a peritonsilar abscess. Now, I have worked in the medical field and I know a lot, but I had never heard of this. She started feeling bad before Halloween, a little scratchy throat and a headache but nothing that we were too worried about. Then by Wednesday, which was November 2nd, she was feeling worse. The headaches persisted and her throat was hurting, but since she was never sick I just figured it was a sinus infection and it would go away. It didn't, it just got worse. By Friday she couldn't open her mouth because she was hurting too bad and she couldn't swallow.

I picked the girls up from school on Friday and brought them back to work with me. Adriana has dance on Fridays and I bring them to work so that someone can pick her up from me, since work is just minutes away from the studio. They had missed Thursday practice because our wonderful teacher Miss Heather was feeling bad and she forgot her keys, so the girls told her they would just make it up another day and she could go home and rest. Since she had missed Thursday's practice, I was adamant that she go on Friday not really realizing how sick she was. Talk about feeling poo-y when we got to the ER that night.

We ended up being at my work for about 30 minutes and the whole time she was crying. Anyone who knows my child knows she does not cry, she has to be half dead to cry so when she had spent 30 minutes crying, I knew she was too sick to go to dance. At 4:45 I decided that she wasn't going and called Ashley to tell her not to pick Adriana up, about that time my manager told me to take her home and let her get some rest. So that was my plan, rest and medicine for the weekend. Well, plans changed.

We got home and she laid down. She slept for about 2 hours, and when she woke up she would move her head and cry, she would try to open her mouth to talk and she would cry. I know it sounds horrible but we still hadn't decided to go to the hospital yet. She just wanted to sleep, and she had not run a fever the whole time she was sick, PLUS she is stubborn like her mom and she did not want to go. I knew we would end up going but I let her win the battle for a little while. Finally around 8 o'clock she said she was hungry but she didn't know if she could swallow anything, so I asked if she wanted to eat some ice cream for dinner. She said she wanted to try it, so Emily fixed her a bowl. She tried with all her might and she just couldn't do it, she couldn't get her mouth open for the spoon and when she finally did get the ice cream in, she just couldn't swallow it. This is the point that I was the most scared, and I was afraid if it was her tonsils that they would rupture and I would not let that happen. I told her that we were going to the doctor no matter what, and she finally said she was ready.

We spent the rest of Friday night going from St. Mary's (Tennova) to Children's. Sitting in waiting rooms, while I was scared to death because they had told me at St. Mary's that it was serious and we needed to go straight to Children's. We got to Children's about midnight, got back in the ER around 12:45 and didn't get into her actual room until around 6 in the morning. Needless to say, we spent most of Saturday sleeping, although my little bed was HORRIBLE, I was just glad to be there with my baby girl and know she was being taken care of.

We finally got to leave mid morning on Monday, after quite a few visitors, some fast food and some homemade food brought over by my wonderful Mamaw, and my bff. I feel like I haven't been able to get back on track since being out of the hospital. I feel like every day I am running behind and I can't get caught up. I'm trying though (it's only taken me 5 days to finish this blog :(), hopefully I can get back on track soon.

Oh, and time changed while we were in the hospital so maybe that has something to do with it. I'm just ready to get back into a groove!

Here are a couple of pictures from our stay:

Sleeping in the ER with Calvin

Watching her favorite movie before going to sleep

Glad she is feeling better!

Day 23

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

I hated reading, until this book. I've always loved to write, but I never loved to read and write about what I read, until this book. As a freshman in high school I had the most amazing teacher ever, Mrs. Sherry Webber. This woman changed my life, she didn't keep me from making mistakes but she showed me what a real teacher was supposed to be. I will never ever forget her, and the impact she made on my life.

She loved this book and it became one of the ones we had to read and discuss daily. She only wanted us to read the chapters assigned, but when I picked it up something magical happened, I didn't want to put it down. I got almost a perfect score on this book and still have the work we had to do. I would encourage every child to read this book and know the significance of it.

I bought a copy of it recently, and I have started reading it again. With so much going on I haven't gotten very far. Reading is a lot more difficult as an adult. I am hoping that I can sit down with the girls and we can share this amazing book together. I'm hoping that by the time they get in high school that Mrs. Webber will still be teaching and they will be blessed to have her, and maybe she can change their lives the way she did mine!

Day 22

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

I absolutely love music. It's the root of my soul, and I really don't know where I would be without it. It's amazing the way a song can make you feel, the melodies moving you to tears. There aren't many songs I don't like or many genres of music. You can guarantee that there is probably at least one song in every genre that I can at least bob my head to. I don't believe there is much in the world more powerful than music.

Not many people know, but since I was a little girl I've had a dream. All I've ever wanted to do was go to Nashville, get a recording contract and sing. That's my lifes dream, (can't believe I'm actually saying that outloud). Since I was a little girl, my wonderful family has made me believe that I can do anything and be anything but unfortunately as I get older and less jaded I know that for me, that's not a truth. I would still love nothing more than to be on a stage somewhere singing, making someone else feel the way I feel when I listen to a favorite song, a song that mean the world to me. I will never sing on a stage in Nashville, and I will never have an album but I will sing. I will sing whenever and wherever I can because music is the center of my world. Nothing beats it!

Day 21

Day 21 - A picture of your favorite night .

Aside from the night I had Adriana, this was the best night. My wedding night. I waited until I was 27 to get married, sometimes I wondered if it would happen at all.

One January day in 2007 I met the man that I would soon call my husband. Almost 3 and a half years later, we took that step and said our vows.

Our lives together haven't been easy, but in the end everything we have been through has been worth it! I love him so much and I can't wait to see what the rest of our lives bring!

Day 20

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.

There are many places I would love to see, and travel but I guess my all time lusted after destination would be Paris France. What's not to love???

The Eiffel Tower

La Petit Palais

Hotel De Ville

Arc De Triomphe

Louvre

Busy times

I am getting behind in everything. The past few weeks have been so busy and so crazy.

I had over 100 pictures to work on and post on Facebook, I'm working on that as I speak and still have a ways to go. I'm behind in my blog posts as well.

I have another 11 days of blogging planned out, obviously... since I'm doing the 30 day posts. I thought that a small break from that would be okay though.

We have had a busy October, and it's hard to believe it's already November 1st and I will be 29 in 27 days. Wow. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, just 23 days away. Also, my aunt Pam's birthday, she gets a Thanksgiving birthday more often than myself and I guess that's because she is SO much to be thankful for!!

Christmas is 54 days away, I know this not because I keep up with it, but because a bunch of my Facebook friends do. I love Christmas for what it stands for, I don't like the commercialism as much. Although this year I am pretty excited. The girls keep getting older, and with age comes expense. They want bigger and better gifts, and those come at a cost. It's okay though, they are worth it, {for the most part ;)} That's just a joke. This year, they may not get as much but I think they will love what they get, and that makes me happy.

Here are a few pictures from our busy October...

October 1, 2011

At Clingman's Dome Parking Lot

It was COLD!!

A trip for just the 2 of us. It was a good day.

October 20, 2011. I took 2 days off to be with him
on his vacation. To Rainbow Falls we went.

We didn't quite make it, but we had a great day!

At the Grist Mill after we left The Falls.

October 22, 2011, on a road trip with the in-laws. Loved
this "sea" of fog off in the distance!

Love this amazing land we live in.

Hope everyone has a wonderful November!

Day 18

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
I am a woman, I have too many insecurities to put pictures of all of them here. I'm not even sure I'm creative enough to come up with pictures for all of them.

One of my biggest insecurities of course has to do with mothering. I guess as soon as we have babies we start worrying about our decisions, we start worrying whether we are doing things right and if we are doing enough but that could take all day to write about and don't think there would be pictures for that.

Since I can't really do a picture of my "Mommy insecurities" I will post a picture of the other BIG insecurity that I have:

Being a woman, I am always worried about my appearance. I worry not about what others will think of me but how I FEEL about me and how my husband sees me. I also want to be healthy, so I can be a positive influence on my kids. I have failed so far.

I remember a time that I thought I was so fat.... I WASN'T! I look at old pictures from when I thought I was and dream about being that size again. It's amazing what you can do to yourself when you give up on yourself. It's pretty sad as well. I am trying to get back to a healthy weight, back to a place where I don't feel so bad about myself, but it's definitely taking a long time. I won't give up though, I will get there again!

Day 19

Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.

This shows my true character. I have been this was forever. I remain this way today. This is who I am, and I love it!

See anyone else in this picture?? If only I had blonde hair :)

Day 17

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

This was the day the girls and I were baptized. This day was wonderful, and it has made a huge impact in my life. I love my church family so much and even though I have fallen away over the years the Lord has always been right there to put me back on the right path. I am so thankful and so blessed!

Day 16

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

This is the inspiration in my life. There are so many inspirational women in my life, I could make a list that goes on forever because all the women in my family have something to admire. Most of my family members and many of my friends have been through so much, and they have overcome so much and I admire them so much. They could all inspire me, but honestly my inspiration sits squarely on the shoulders of this kid. I attribute where I am right now in my life to her.

There have been so many times in life that I didn't think I would make it, then I would look into those beautiful blue eyes and know that I could. I knew that I always had to push on and persevere because she was depending on me. She has inspired me to make more of myself, for her and I am proud of the person I am becoming. I am proud of the person she is making me be. I am proud to be her mother. She will inspire me forever, for as long as I live because without her I wouldn't be the person I am. God truly blessed me when he gave me this bit of inspiration! 

Day 15

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

I would love to win the lottery and travel the world. I'm pretty sure that the lottery is the only way I will ever be able to travel, because the bank just doesn't pay much! I would love to see all the US had to offer, then I would love to start travelling the world. I know there is so much beauty to see all over the world, so much that God has given to us here on this Earth and I want to experience as much of it as I can. There is nothing that would give me more pleasure than to load up my husband, kids, and as much family as possible and travel to exotic places. Snowy places, lush green places, hot places, and places with ocean so clear you can see the sandy floors. A few places I would like to see are:

Paris, France



Germany

Scotland

Sweden

These are obviously not the only places I would love to see, but they are a few. I love everything about Europe, although I know that they don't really feel the same about us Americans. I would love to travel every European country and see every sight there is to see. This may be a feat that I won't see come true, but I hope to at least see a few of them in my lifetime. That would make me happy!