Blessed

It's amazing how everything seems to fall into place just when you think there is no hope. I'm not saying that everything is perfect, it never will be but in the grand scheme of things, it's looking up. In May I got the shock of my life and something opened up my eyes. I have always been so guarded and hidden, never really letting my heart decide. I always jumped into things head first because I thought I had to be with someone, I never could be alone. When my ex left in 2004, I realized I HAD to do it alone. I had to depend on me and if I couldn't then who could I depend on. After that horrible relationship, (not all of it was his fault) I put up walls, I wasn't going to be heartbroken again. I wouldn't be treated badly, and I wouldn't be pushed around.... I would NOT settle for less than I deserved.... but I did. I let myself fall into this pattern of making bad decisions because I thought I needed someone, I needed to feel loved and wanted but really I wasn't being loved at all. I was being used, and I was settling for it. One day all that changed.
In January 2007 while at work, in walked this person and I was immediately intrigued. I think we often type-cast people and think that those are the only people that we can see ourselves with. Sometimes we pick the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boys.... sometimes it's the jock, or the nerd.... sometimes it's the head cheerleader, or the smart brainy girl. Who knows why we set these options for ourselves but we do, and outside of those people we don't dare even look. I guess I had always been one of those people, but not that day in January. He walked in and immediately my eyes were smitten, and he wasn't anything like anything I had ever been interested in before and that got me to thinking, "if I can be interested in this person of a stature that I have never been interested in before, there must be something to it." I had to know more, and once I got to know more I couldn't let go.
I'm not an easy person to deal with, and thankfully I know it.... unfortunately it took me a very long time to figure out how to change it. It took me almost losing everything. I wanted to show everyone that I could do it alone, that if he walked out on me it didn't matter because I had me and that was enough.... well, guess what, it wasn't enough. When he walked out the door and told me I would never see him again and that he no longer loved me he took along with him my heart and that wall that I had labored over for so long. In that moment I became a different person, a person that he had never seen before. I cried for days and sometimes I still do. The thought that I could've lost everything that day still haunts me. I wouldn't take it lying down because he was the only one for me, the only one I could see myself with and eventually I broke him down....(he tried to be stubborn, but this was once that I was more stubborn!!) I also broke through a barrier that his family had created to keep me out of their hearts, that relationship still needs work but we will get there. Although we are together and we get stronger day by day, our relationship isn't what it once was.... relationships can only take so many blows before it starts to change. I sit here tonight, alone and two months ago I would've still been devastated, and a month ago would've been better but I would still have been crying and wondering.... but sitting her tonight I am okay. I know he loves me, and I know chapters are opening in our lives, doors are opening for us and as rough as the road has been, when we are at the end of it, all of our work will have been worth while! I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else, he truly is my soul mate and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him and our girls. I am truly blessed.

Tomorrow

Well, tomorrow could be a changing day! We met with Ron's cousin this weekend and looked at a house in Powell. It was very nice.... a foreclosure that has a good price and not too much work to do. He put in the offer and tomorrow, hopefully we will know if we get it or not! We won't actually close til the end of August, beginning of September and we are very excited but nervous also. Lots of big changes have been coming our way and now this one. I know we are doing a good thing, and these last couple of months have really shown me that I love him so much and that he is the one for me. I hope tomorrow is OUR day!

My First Blog

Lots of big changes are coming my way, that led me to want to start a blog! For those who know me, you know that I have been in a relationship for the past 2 and a half years. It happened fast and lots of things didn't go our way. I love him so much and almost two months ago, we had a huge fight and he walked out, and I let him go. Only hours later did I realize that I just couldn't do it without him. I've never been one to admit that I can't do things on my own, but when he walked out my heart hit the floor. All I can say is thank God for my stubborness because if I weren't so stubborn he would be gone and there would be no chance of getting him back.
We have decided that life without each other, isn't life at all. I never thought I would need someone so much, but when he walked out the door I realized that he really was the one. We know we have a lot of work to do but we are trying. And the changes are coming. We are actually in the house buying process, it's stressful so if we can make it through this one we will be golden! We had our sites set on the most gorgeous double wide that I have ever seen, even had a piece of property picked out (although it wasn't where I wanted to live). I wanted to be with him and was willing to do it wherever we had to do it, so we found a piece of land in Jefferson County and made an offer... we thought we were on our way to being owners of a BEAUTIFUL home, then came the hidden charges. The guy didn't take our offer and wanted us to pay $2,000.00 more for the land.... then the set up and delivery fee went up $4,000.00. Everytime we talked to the guy at Clayton it seemed that a price was going up and the mortgage just didn't fit the home. We started looking for houses, houses that are in the area I want to be in and he is ready to sign offers and get a house and I can't wait. These two months without him has been so hard. I can't wait until we are together again, with the girls.... our little family. It's going to be so nice!