H.M.S

Picture provided by http://hallsms.knoxschools.org/

Last night was 6th grade open house. It was interesting and pretty fun. We started in homeroom, and went around to each classroom just as they do during the day. We followed their schedule with the exception of lunch, and we only got 10 minutes per class, that made for some fast talking teachers.

Its weird for me to go to open house with them, because it is weird for me to be back at the same school I attended in my younger years. It is however, exactly what I wanted. I've told everyone plenty of times that I don't do change, I can't cope when things change. I know that I loved Halls Middle School, for the most part I had wonderful teachers, and some of the best friends.

I do know though, that many people did not like HMS. I know quite a few people that said they would NEVER send their kids there, and I respect their decision. I, however was going to fight tooth and nail to get my kids into Halls.... I know, I know somethings have to change, but lucky for me this is one thing that didn't have to change. It helps me even more, or maybe it hinders me to know that some of the people I went to school with will now be teaching my children. That makes me feel even better about my decision to send my children to Halls.

Adriana doesn't have any of the teachers that I had when I was in 6th grade, as a matter of fact of the 5 core subjects, I only know of 3 of the teachers. Two of the teachers were there when I was there, and lucky for Adriana the other teacher that she has I know because I went to school with her. She was always such a great person when we went to school together and she still is that wonderfully loving person, which makes my decision to send Adriana to Halls completely and totally worth it.

I thought I was doing okay with 6th grade, I didn't really cry when I had to drop her off her first day and even though I almost cried the first day I watched her walk across to the church all by herself, I didn't. It's hard to let your baby go, and its even harder when you know you are letting go because they are growing up. I did really awesome at the open house, never really felt a twinge of sadness, never really felt any tears welling up.... UNTIL.... we had been through all the periods first through fourth, and now we were sitting in Adriana's 5th period class. For 5th period she has reading, with Allison or as the kids have to call her Mrs. Thomas and this was the first time I felt it. As Adriana sat there looking at me, telling me all about her classroom and what they do during reading, I felt it in my throat and tears started welling up. I warned her, so if I let a tear roll she would be expecting it and maybe she wouldn't be so embarrassed. She said, "Mom, don't cry!" She is much stronger than I am, and she really can't understand why Mom cries all the time.

I gained my composure before Mrs. Thomas came in the room to address all us parents. I sat in a desk behind the desk my child sits in daily, watching a friend of mine be a teacher. I guess the emotion came from the fact that life comes full circle, no matter what, even when we think it won't, it always does. I did want to cry, but I refrained except for the little tears that welled up for a brief moment. I really admire most of the people that I had the pleasure of meeting and knowing during my time at Halls Middle School, I just hope that my girls feel the same way when they are "grown-ups".

Why Monday, why?

Why is it that Monday can't be avoided?

The weekend is going so great and Saturday is such a happy day. You wake up knowing (in most cases) that you have your full weekend ahead. 2 days to do whatever, 48 hours of 'no work' bliss. Then before you know it, you are in bed on Saturday night, and you get a little discouraged. Sunday comes and you realize that you have a whole other day to relax or clean or whatever needs to be done. Get up, go to church, come home and do whatever needs to be done.

Unfortunately, just as the day before, night falls and the next thing you know you are in bed dreading Monday. Its inevitable, it's going to come and there is nothing you can do to stop it. It mocks you in the night as you are trying to sleep, waking you every hour. Then the sun comes up, and if you don't have to deal with it daily, you most definitely will have to deal with Murphy's Law today!

For those who don't know, Murphy's law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong". And I've figured out, that when Monday finds me the old adage rings all too true! It usually starts way too early with Ron's phone ringing, work telling him to come in way too early meaning that I will have to get up and take the girls to school and then make it to work by eight o'clock. Then I get out of bed and can find nothing to wear because I hate my whole wardrobe, or is it my body that I hate?? Yeah, I think that's it. Then its yelling at the kids to hurry and get ready and let's go, since they have been up for over an hour. Drive to work side by side with all the other idiot who didn't get up in time to put their makeup on at home, or eat at home, so they have chosen to do it in their car and put others in danger.

Now, there are weeks such as next week where Monday will be spent at home with the family. Ahh, a day off, spending a holiday with the fam.... but don't you worry, just because you are home on Monday doesn't mean it won't still catch up with you. When you wake up on Tuesday to get ready for work, you will find that Tuesday has confused its self with Monday and you again will have to suffer through a day with Murphy. Hopefully your Wednesday will find you in better spirits though and the rest of the week will breeze by, til home time on Friday finds you again!

Happy Monday!

Journal Jar

This is a picture of my Journal Jar. A few years ago Becky, who knows how I love to read and write gave me this jar along with a journal, and more than likely some pens for Christmas. She explained that she had just recently gotten custody of her nephew Calvin and money was pretty tight so she was having to come up with inexpensive ideas for Christmas. She loves all her babies so much, and though I am not biological I am lucky enough to be called one that she loves. She loves us all so much that she knows us like the back of her hand, and knowing me she came up with this neat little way to give me something that I would love.

As much as I hate to admit it, I haven't used this wonderful Christmas gift yet. Now that I have this blog though, I have found a way to use this jar to my advantage. Although its called a journal jar, I find that when I sit down to actually write in my journal its usually a bunch of jumble. Its usually things that I wouldn't put in my blog, things like anger, frustration, and stress, things of mine that I don't want to put on anyone else. There is never really a time that I sit down with my journal, that I don't have something to say so for me the journal jar isn't really handy for the actual journal. Now, when it comes to blogging most of the time I am at a loss. I will sit in front of the computer, looking at it, wanting to start typing but nothing will come out. Now when I want to blog but have no motivation or no subject in particular to blog about, I will take out my journal jar, pull out a little strip of paper that has a subject on it and I will start typing! I'm excited about doing this, and can't wait to see what some of the subjects will be and what answers it I will come up with.

My Celebrity Soulmate

Reading back on the blogs of my friend Alice Wills Gold I found this little gem quiz and decided to take it, just for fun... Here are my results....


Take the Quiz


Although I do love Patrick Dempsey, and he is gorgeous I couldn't love him more than I do my silly and sweet husband.

Just for my Husband

My Ultra-Conservative husband says that I am a liberal, and I say I'm not. My bestfriend who pretty much leans toward being a democrat (registered as Independent, but pretty much votes by what's good for our country {most of the time}) thinks that I am pretty conservative. So to prove them both wrong, as I say I'm an independent but they both don't believe me I was reading back in a friends blog and came across this quiz, I took it and this is what I got!

You Are a Moderate Mama

You're not overly political, and your views fall more with the American mainstream. In fact, it may be difficult for you to decide who to vote for at times! Your approach to politics is reasoned and well though out.

Are You a Liberal Lady or a Conservative Chick?

Fall in Tennessee

Picture courtesy of paperhippo.com

I wake up on mornings like today and wonder, "how can anyone not believe in God?" I don't understand how you can look and see the sun shining and honestly believe there is no God!

Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year, I just wish it lasted longer. I know that people probably think I am crazy when I say that the sun looks different. In the first days of the changing of the season, the sun has a different hue and its beautiful. It doesn't even resemble a summer sun, its more toned down, less harsh. I know that others see the change in the color of the leaves,and feel it when the cooler breeze blows and although I see and feel those things too, I can see it in the sun. That's where it makes the most impact with me!

I love Tennessee. I don't know many people that love the state they live in more than me. I know that most people will say that isn't true, that they love their state too.... but probably not like I do. Nothing makes me love Tennessee like the first few days of fall and I honestly believe there is nothing in this world like autumn in Tennessee! Although, technically it is still summer and the first day of fall isn't til September 23rd I can see that its in its beginning stages and I could not be more excited.

Anyone who really knows me, knows that I am not a football fan. Everyone in my house loves it, me... not so much. This year though, I am gearing up for it. I don't know what it is. While we were at the beach I absolutely HAD to go find some orange polish for my toe nails, and luckily for me there was white accent polish so I decorated them with orange and white. I've always been a fan of orange, and though some may disagree I think it's a wonderful color. I am actually excited for football season this year, and am looking forward to watching the games with my family, since now I have a job that doesn't require me to work on weekends.

Photo courtesy of my wonderful Husband.

One of my favorite things about fall is... PUMPKINS. When Ron and I first got engaged we planned on a fall wedding, since it is my favorite season. My plan was to have my girls wear orange and brown dresses, and as gross as this sounds I saw a prototype and they were actually BEAUTIFUL! I wanted table settings with pumpkins, and a beautiful tiered cake with mini edible pumpkins on it. My husband to be, however wasn't very keen on this idea, especially the cake.... everyone else thought it was wonderful! Unfortunately, though we did not get married in October as originally planned, but in May. Although our day was just as beautiful and just as special!

I can't possibly believe that there is one person on the Earth that doesn't like fall, although I am sure there are some. There is such a romantic tone to autumn, when the leaves begin to change from greens to beautiful shades of red and orange, and the temperatures start to drop. Its an amazing feeling, and it proves the power of our Lord.

There is something to love about every season, they are all works of God but I believe he gave a little extra to autumn. He put a little magic in it to please our eyes and peak our senses! The rich colors, the cooler breezes, the amazing feeling that the next season will be a season of rest. Winter is definitely not my favorite season between the colds, and the dry cracked skin, the putting on three or four layers of clothes just to go check the mail, and the ice. The symbolism of winter though, is amazing. The blankets of snow for a season of rest, and the wait for the newness that Spring will bring, but in my eyes it all begins with FALL!! So as UNexcited as I am for winter to come, I say come on Fall, bless us all with your beauty!

A Beautiful Song



Picture provided by diveintoflood.com

There is a song that I love, a duet between Kenny Chesney and Randy Travis. Its called Baptism, and its beautiful.

That is a preface sentence to the subject of this blog, obviously!

Being that I was raised in a Baptist church all my life, and that I am 28 years old and haven't been baptisized, I guess it's about time. Since I was three years old, I have been going to the same church. Unfortunately, I haven't been loyal and gone every Sunday and Wednesday like I should and there have been many times that I have been a backslider. I have said many times in other blogs that I have turned my back on the Lord many times. I have often thought I could do everything on my own, but as I have also said very often here lately, as I become older and more informed I grow to KNOW that I can do nothing without him.

Life will never be perfect, because we will never be perfect, HE designed it this way. I am so glad though, that he is merciful. I am so glad that since he made us, he understands that we aren't perfect and he will forgive if we just ask. I haven't become well versed in the bible yet, but my relationship with HIM gets better everyday. I find myself, much to the dismay of my children, only listening to The Message on SiriusXM, satellite radio. I have always been the queen of country, and don't get me wrong I still love it but I have come to understand the power of Christian music. I have come to appreciate it just as much as any other genre of music that I have been accustomed to listening to throughout my life. The girls do like some of the songs, but they would rather listen to country and I guess I was probably like that as a child too.... actually, I was like that until just recently.

A while back I got the urge to start going to church, and the girls were asking if we could.... I guess they were feeling that pull as much as me. So we did, and the peace that has come over me in the past little while is amazing. I'm not saying that I am peaceful and happy everyday and that everything is wonderful all the time but I am more at peace in my life than I have been before. A couple of months ago we joined church, and when you do that you either join by letter or by baptism. If you join by letter, that means that some other church has written a letter and recommended you or by baptism, obviously means you have to be baptisized. Considering that I joined the only church I have ever regularly attended, there was no letter meaning baptism it is. So this Sunday, August 21st, 2011 Adriana, Emily and myself will be baptised. I am looking forward to it, but I am also very nervous.

I love water, but I'm not too big on being the center of attention. I don't really like to be in front of the crowd, well unless its just my family. I know that Adriana is nervous too, but she knows it will be alright. And, for me it's been a long time coming. I accepted Jesus at 8 years old, as did Adriana and we have both been in church on and off all our lives.... I think its going to be an awesome thing and I'm hoping that my relationship with the Lord only gets stronger, and better after this Sunday!

I just can't wait!

The UNblog Blog

I guess today's blog is about how NOT in the mood to blog that I am. I truly feel as if my brain is empty today. I feel like I haven't slept in days and I could just lay my head on my desk and go to sleep. Unfortunately, I don't believe that the powers that be would enjoy paying me to sleep, and I'm pretty sure it would be in bad form for a customer to walk in to a teller snoring on the counter beside her computer.
Unfortunately, my job is one where you can't really make up busy work. I am so glad that I got the opportunity to have this job, and I am proud of myself for coming in and learning and doing what I do. With that being said, since we are a small bank with only a few loyal branch customers, it can make working from 8:15 in the morning til 6 in the evening feel like an eternity. I NEED energy. I try not to just sit in my chair for all these hours, there are times when I get up. Most of the time I make the popcorn, and sometimes I'll scan the work, sometimes to go to the bathroom, or to fix my lunch. Sometimes I wish I could run around the building but considering we work out of a smaller than normal mobile home, I don't think it would do me much good.


For almost two years, when I was tired at work (Weigels) I would grab an energy drink and although they never actually did anything for me, it made me feel better that they were at arms length and I got through the day! I've found in my four months at this job, when I am getting sleepy all I can do is stuff my face. When I look in the mirror I see proof of this dilemma. If the mirror isn't a harsh enough foe, I was informed yesterday that I should not think highly of myself seeing as how I am a baboon. Sccccrrrrreeeech... that's the wheels coming to a grinding halt. I know that I should NEVER let an outsider affect how I feel about me, but when I am already feeling like a PIG, baboon is a little too harsh.


(I just fed my face with a couple handfulls of Skittles, this is what I'm talking about!)


I have never been one for self esteem, although I've been told my whole life that I am beautiful and I should feel as such. Ha, Ha... I just wish people could understand how hard that is. I wish I could look in the mirror and say "DANG, I look good." but I can promise you that is something that will never happen. Anyone who knows me knows that I can not look in the mirror and say that I am beautiful, hot, sexy or skinny... and even if I was any of those things it would still be impossible for me.


That horrible slap in the face yesterday, well... it stung. Its a rare occasion when a man will tell a woman she is ugly. I mean, for a man to say something like that the woman has to have like one tooth, a rattail, pit hair and she generally has to have a muffin top. Although I have heard of men who just love all those attributes and HOORAY for those men.... not too shallow! Oh, well... on I go. I guess yesterday I kind of asked for it because as I was verbally sparring with a guy I have never physically met in my life, I told him that he was jealous of my husband because he couldn't have a wife as hot as me. I know that most of you who know me are saying, "Um, what did she say?" I totally didn't mean it, I was just trying to get at him for being so horrible to my sweet husband.


I guess on the West Coast their women look different. This person lives in Seattle, and lets leave his description with 'he is a horrible rotten person that I wouldn't trust to be one of my friends.' I know that everyone right now is saying, "don't be so mean, Michelle. We are supposed to love everyone." For the most part I do, but some people you just can't help but want to choke. This master of everything in the world, who apparently is smarter than everyone in the world informed me yesterday that we Tennessee women MAY be hot, IF baboons are considered hot. NOW, I know that he was just trying to (get my goat) as the saying goes, just as I had been when I said he was jealous but his comment hit below belt. Below is his comment in its entirety:

here comes the fun sponge. yes its true missery does love company. hi mrs hypocrisy, you know everytime you comment you just make yourself look dumber and dumber. ronnie jokes and its ok, jeremy jokes (its called sarcasm) and its not ok, hypocrite. i didnt call him an asshole, he said it about himself. you look dumb when you dont check your facts. he wishes harm on a stranger but when harm comes to your family you want strangers to support your cause. hypocrite you preach about how you guys can express your opinions but when someone expresses theirs you get pissed, hypocrite. isnt this whole facebook thing about someone says something then others respond. do you want the whole world to agree with you or just shut up. thats called being ignorant. its psychology 101, those who bring everyone down do so because they cant lift themselves up, look into it. there is a difference between tennessee hot, also known as baboon hot, and usa hot so i get how you would think about yourself so highly, but you might want to keep your voice down around other parts of the country. another tip is men dont like when their wives try to stand up for them in front of other men because it makes them look weak so just on that point alone your right, other wives and girlfriends are not so needy, bossy, and controlling like you. bobby and i are good friends and have been for a long time. its called forgiveness, not being filled with hate, the power of positivity, and moving on. now i know why my grocery store is all out of cheerios because from the looks of it you eat alot. so your last line is asking me to keep my opinion to myself, wow the hypocrisy. the worst part is its right in front of your face and you dont see it. his brother doesnt like him and his uncle lost respect for him and im the only one trying to point it out.

I know that I am not a hypocrite, so those jabs don't hurt me. I will not say I'm perfect, but I know that I am not a hypocrit. When you are already iffy about yourself, being called a baboon does not help you to feel beautiful. Oh well, I guess being a baboon is better than being the rear of a donkey!!

Well, so much for not wanting to blog. My not wanting to blog, turned into a huge blog about a little of everything and a bunch of nothing. Considering that no one in my house will stop talking to me and they won't leave me alone, I have to be done for the night.

Under Construction

I am teaching myself to restructure my blog.

I am:
Scared
Worried
Working hard
Bewildered
Excited

I love learning new things, but technology scares me to death. There is so much that can go wrong if you mess even one thing up. I have been studying other blogs, and information links to make sure that I am doing everything right. I feel like reading "computer language" is like going to Japan and trying to speak to the natives.

I use Japan because if I go to Mexico, or France I know at least some of those languages, if I go to Japan I am COMPLETELY lost! I am completely lost when I am reading computer stuff. I guess if I want to get into blogging full on I will have to take a computer class so I can understand what HTML and CSS stand for and mean. I know what a JPEG is only because I spend my life taking pictures, but the other computer mumbo jumbo I am lost on!

I have always been straight email and IM, then these social networking sites came along. Myspace was more like the blog world because to edit your profile you had to use codes and such but considering I haven't been on Myspace in a very long time, I'm pretty lost.

So for those of you who do read my blog, I truly appreciate you all. I just hope that you can be patient with me while I experiment, and figure out exactly what I would like my blog to look like. And, if anyone has any suggestions I am most definitely up to hearing and trying them!!

Thanks!

A little Rant

Let me rant and rave for just a minute.... I haven't done it in a while, but today I need to!

I will start by saying that, I was raised by my grandparents (who were of no biological connection to me) and I was so blessed to be. My grandmother is the most amazing woman in the world, and if it weren't for her I don't know who or where I would be.

I am the child of a broken home, parents that were too young to be parents. I'm not sure if they did what they thought was best for me or if their selfishness was just a blessing in disguise! Either way, they let me grow up with an angel, someone who loved me as if I were her own and she never complained about doing it. My father chose to disappear from my life, and my mom was there but not the way a mom should be. In later years, they have both taken strides to try and make up for the short comings in my past although I haven't really responded well.

The feeling of abandonment never goes away. I understand that their were circumstances that lead my mother and father to not want to be with each other, and honestly it was better that way. I could never be angry with either one of them for not loving each other enough because life for them was not a good life, their relationship was very toxic! Although now that I am an adult and I can understand that, when I was a little girl I never could. Feeling like you don't belong, like you aren't wanted is the most horrible feeling and it doesn't matter how many others love you and cherish you, if your mommy and daddy aren't around you can't help but wonder what you did.

I guess you could call me an expert at this feeling because not only have I been through it but I have also seen it numerous time with other children in my life. Way too often, especially now days girls and boys get together get pregnant because they are "so in love" then after the baby the find that they really aren't. The result of these actions are a child in limbo. If the child is really lucky, one or maybe both of the parents will grow up and take responsibility in their own ways but that isn't the way it usually goes. Usually the child is left with one or two parents who have decided that not only being married is too much but being a parent is too much as well, and this makes me SO angry that there are no words.

I have experienced the abandonment, I have watched my brother experience this same abandonment, and I have watched and experienced with my step-daughter this same feeling and it is a horrible feeling. I have also watched many, many other children go through this and I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could take all the hurt away.

It burns me up, however when a parent PRETENDS to care about their child to get attention from others when they never cared enough to keep them in the first place. Why in the world would you let someone take your child to raise, even if that child is better off, go off live your life and basically let that child know that they are nothing but a convenience to you, and then when something bad happens you act like you have been mother or father of the year? If something happened and I had to give my child up, that child would never see me again. I wouldn't just pop in and out when it was convenient to me. I would go away for good. I wouldn't get the child riled up thinking that I was going to be there, then disappear for a couple weeks then come back and get their hopes up again.

BE A PARENT or DON'T!! But do not jerk your kid around, and certainly don't use them to your advantage. A child is not born to make YOUR life better, or to get attention for you. You make a conscious decision to create a life, and if you decide that what you want to do is carry that child to term and give birth to it and raise it, DO IT! If you decide to give it away, you can do that as well, but do not take advantage of that child and certainly do not take it for granted. No child asks to be brought into this world, so if you choose to have one raise it!

And lastly I will say, if something tragic happens to your child, FEEL IT but make sure its for real. Do what you need to do to grieve, but do not take advantage of someone else's kindness. Don't twist something that someone is trying to do for your child and make it about you. DO NOT think that I will let you get away with that. DO NOT think that I will let you take HIS name and use it for your personal gain. If you have true intentions of helping the people that loved and cared about him, that's fine. But if you are doing your usual, take take take, do it on someone elses time and with someone elses cause because I will NOT let you get away with it.

And that is all...

First day

Well, its official... I have a 6th grader and a 7th grader!
They wore their Daytona shirts for the first day, and they looked so cute. They were easy to get up, and Zoe was beyond excited for them to get up. She wasn't so excited though when it was time for us to leave. She has had them there with her all summer and she is used to the house being full all day. I'm hoping that her little vacation from us last week, with Ashley leaving her in her crate while she was at work helped out but I guess we will see. Poor baby, she will have a short day today then go back to long days tomorrow, but I think she will survive.

I did cry a little, but honestly it was more because of the song that came on the radio after they got out. Its a mixture of all the things that have happened recently along with being sad because they are growing up. I don't want to let go, but I know I can't hold on forever.

I'm leaving work at noon to go get them, and I can't wait to hear all about their days and how much more stuff I will have to go buy for school. LOL... You always get everything on their list, then they come home with another list, kind of annoying but hey, that's what I work for I guess! I can't say that I am ready to go home and fill out ALL that paperwork, but I guess I get homework on their first day, I just hope that they don't!

Can't wait to see where this year takes us!.... Here are their first day pictures!!


My Diva

Not sure about this

Ready for 7th grade

Not sure about this either

Still not looking at the camera

So Sweet! LOL... yeah right

Emotions...

Are running amok today.

Well, okay for the last few months, but more so the last few days. I find myself in tears at random times, in random places. I think that Ron is a little nervous, LOL. No need to be scared though, just lots of changes taking place and seeing as how I am probably the WORST when it comes to change, it's not good for me.

This year truly has been the worst for me. I know that we are supposed to rejoice death because that means our loved ones are home with the Lord and all the ones that went before them, but I'm only human. I have tried to be so giving my whole life, at times I've even given too much but when it comes to people that I love, giving is hard. I've never been a selfish person.... I like having things, but I've never been materialistic. I know that the most important things in life are free.

The most important things in life are the moments you create, the time you spend, the words you say, and how you live life. It's nice to have houses, and cars and clothes and shoes and purses, but none of those things are going to remember you when you are gone. I honestly believe now, just as I always have that life is not about the breath you breathe from one moment to the next because we aren't always promised that next breath. Life happens when you least expect it, in a moment, in a whisper and that's what makes it worth it.

This year has brought about 3 deaths that have really affected me, and my life. I have dealt with so much death in my life (using the term 'dealt with' loosely, because truthfully... I DON'T!), you would think that by this age and stage in my life I would get it, but I don't. Even though I have dealt with so much, I've never had to deal with three in one year. February, March, and July... and I just don't get it.

We just got back from vacation, VACATION... and I should feel so rested and relaxed. I should have felt so fabulous being away from work, on the beach, listening to the ocean, but I didn't. I know everyone is yelling, "ARE YOU CRAZY??" right now and honestly, I quite possibly could be. I was in Florida for 6 days and 7 nights and you would think that I enjoyed myself and nothing could have been better, but that's not how it was. I was so on edge the whole time we were there, and really couldn't appreciate being there. I feel bad, I know I should be thankful and I am, but I just wasn't feeling it this year. I am so happy to be home.

What I'm not happy about though is, tomorrow is the first day of school. Yes, I am ready for them to go back... I'm not happy though that my BABY is going into middle school. Yes, 6th grade at Halls Middle School. As if everything else that has happened in the last eight months isn't enough, her starting middle school is pretty devastating to me. I cried the day she started kindergarten, and every year after until last year when she went to 5th grade. At this point, knowing her I knew she was mature enough to go in by herself and go where she needed to go. She had been in the school long enough to know where all the classrooms were and she knew the rules were straight to class. I felt confident she could do it without me, and somehow that comforted me. I guess most moms would feel MORE devastated to know that their baby didn't need them, but knowing that she could do it by herself made me feel good. I know I cried at some point in the year, but not the first day.

Tomorrow however is completely different. Its no longer us pulling up to Adrian Burnette Elementary, its Halls Middle and she will be in sixth grade... what will I do?? I can't stop it, I can't seem to even slow it down. Time flies by, and it breaks my heart. I love her so much, she will always be my baby but she used to actually be MY BABY.

I miss this little girl. She was cuddly and cute and she didn't talk back. Now, don't let me fool you cute and cuddly she was, but she was opinionated and stubborn even then. She wanted what she wanted, but she knew her boundries. I believe she still does, but I guess it gets more interesting as they get older to see how far they can push mom or dad until they will break. At this age, all I had to do was raise my voice a little or cut my eyes at her and she knew I meant business. Very rarely was there a time that I had to repeat something more than one time. I had people that would ask me how I got a kid like her, how did I manage to get one so good? I ask myself that even today. She has never changed who she is. She is as good today as she has always been, although maybe a tad more stubborn, and being her mom couldn't be more of a blessing. I am so grateful to have her, and even though sometimes I could poke her eyes out, I love her more than life.

This is the child I have come to know. The one that I have since (see above picture) fell in love with. She is the one who makes me laugh, the one who makes me cry, the one who makes me WANT to scream some days. She is also the one who is my strength, the one who proves to me that I can keep going, and when I feel like I can't keep going she does something to kick me into gear, and keep me on my toes. I never thought that I could be blessed enough to be the mother to a child like this. She has the biggest heart and she loves so much. She would give you the shirt off her back, or her last chicken McNugget. Her sense of humor is immense. She is witty and things roll off her tongue as if she has had them planned for years. She is sarcastic, and sometimes we have to pull on the reigns and slow her down. Sometimes though, actually most of the time its HER that will cut you down to size. She is honest to a fault, and if you don't want to hear it like it is don't ask her the question. She has no filter, but that's okay because she is mine. It has been my pleasure to be her leader, her guide for the last almost 11 years and she has taught me almost more than she has learned from me. I can't say that I knew any of the things I know now 11 years ago, and learning from her has been a bigger blessing than I could have ever known I would have. Its hard to fathom that she has been mine for 11 years, its hard to believe the Lord trusted me with such a precious jewel, yet here she is with me everyday and I will never take that for granted. I can't thank God enough for letting me borrow her, I can only pray that he lets me keep her for a long, long time. I can only pray that he thinks I am fit to keep her and to keep loving and leading her.

Tomorrow I will be one year closer to letting her go. I will be accepting that she is a big girl. I am hoping that this year won't begin the long journey of me losing her, I pray that the longer she is in school the more she will need me. I pray that she never stops loving her Mommy, and never thinks that she is too big for me. I can't stop her from growing up, but I can try to keep her as close to me as possible. I want her to grow up loving me, and knowing that I will always be there for her. I want her to always know that she can tell me anything and that I will do my best to help her solve her problems, that I will be her shoulder and that she doesn't always have to be the strong one. That's what I am here for.

Tomorrow I will drop her off in front of the middle school and she will go in and I will leave and go on my merry way to work. I will probably cry a little, but I will get over it by the time I arrive at my destination. I will let her be the independent person that I have tried to make her be, even though in my heart I will want her to need me. Its hard to believe that tomorrow is the start of middle school. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new adventure, and even though my heart is breaking, I'm excited to see where it leads us.

I love you BooBoo.... You are my Sunshine!

P.S..... Sorry about this crazy rambling mess. Its forever long, and understand if no one reads it all! LOL...

Favorite Souvenier EVER!

I usually try not to spend a lot of money on junk when we are on vacation. I try not to buy things that are overly expensive, but this year I have lots of reasons to buy a very special souvenier. I'm not sure if EVERYONE wanted to see them but I am posting our shirts here... so here is our special souveniers!

We had these made special to remember all the family we have lost this year. Our hearts still ache for our loved ones who aren't with us, but we know that they are in a better place. We know that they are watching us everyday. We miss them like crazy and always will but we know one day we will see them again.

I will post pictures of all of our shirts on my facebook page.

Finding Adriana

We are on day 5 of vacation. Tomorrow will be our last full day, then we will leave before 10 am on Saturday. We have had a pretty great time and it has been surprisingly peaceful, a few whines and a couple of "debates" here and there but all in all its been good so far. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday we had rain and storms but yesterday no rain at all. We did have lightning last night, but not any rain.

Tuesday was "out to lunch" day. We went to Popeye's, Ron and the girls had chicken and I had shrimp. It was great. I didn't used to like Popeye's that much, but the shrimp sold me! Then we took at trip to Kmart to take back a pair of flip-flops that Karen had gotten for Adriana. I was afraid that they wouldn't have any here, but they did and they had all different colors in mine and Emily's sizes too. So we got Adriana's green pair to replace the ones that didn't fit, plus she got an orange pair, Emily got a blue pair, and I got some brown ones. Poor Ron, he got nothing. Wellll, not entirely true, the girls bought video games with the money they got from Karen and Phil and he has enjoyed playing those! LOL

After Kmart, we took another pair of flip-flops back to Old Navy that I had ordered Adriana. When we got to Old Navy she said she had too many pairs and she didn't want another pair, so I got some orange ones for me! After that we went and saw The Smurfs, it is such a cute movie. Ron did not want to see it, but he laughed and smiled through the whole thing. I'm pretty sure he liked it too. After the movie, we stopped off by Sam's so Ron could get some huge steaks and that's what we had for dinner, along with a baked potato.

Wednesday, which was yesterday, was "out for dinner" day. We have spent the majority of the morning in the room everyday, its helped us to not get so burnt out. We devised a budget and have done our best to stick to it. Staying in the room has helped with that too. The girls and I hit the beach around 11:00, and then Ron came down soon after. Around 1:00 we came up to the pool while Ron and Emily got ready to go have her 7th grade shots. Yeah, I know, shots at the beach... what a bummer!, but it had to be done!

They came back from the Florida Health Department with STARBUCKS!!!! Yummo! We hung out in the room watching tv and the girls playing Mario, until it was time for dinner. We went and ate at a place called Ocean Buffet. They were having a grand opening, and it was pretty good. On the way there we passed a place that we thought was pretty special....

This sign is special because she can never find anything cool (ie. pencils, magnets, license plates) with her name on it, so a big sign like this with her name on it is awesome, a great find. On our way back to the room we stopped so she could have her picture made with "her" sign! She wanted to go in the banquet hall, but it was closed so she couldn't. Here she is with her sign.

After we went to dinner, the girls decided they wanted to get airbrush t's, so we stopped into an airbrush store and they both got T's and I got a hoodie. We had to leave them there, they were a little backed up, we are leaving in just a few to go get them and I will have pics on here shortly with a post about them. I can't wait to see mine. It's going to be so beautiful, and special.

We came back last night and I tried reading some blogs, but with the crazy wi-fi connections around this place it was hard.

We are leaving now to eat our late lunch and get our shirts. Who knows what else we will get into while we are out!!

Vacation

Well, we are at the end of our second full day of vacation, and its been pretty good. We've had a little bickering from the girls, some whining....

Saturday we got to our hotel around 6:30, and unpacked the car. Thinking that since the store was just a short distance from the room and we could leave the girls at the room (with Ron's phone) while we went to grab a few odds and ends, we left to make our way to the Dollar Tree and Publix.  We pulled in one of the parking spots, and my phone rings. It was Emily, and in the background I hear a loud noise and Emily says the fire alarm is going off and they are locked out of the room. Luckily, we were only 5 minutes away, literally. We went back to the store after we let them back in the room, and needless to say after Saturday we decided to not let them stay alone again!

Sunday we woke up, and ate some eggs and bacon for breakfast. We went to Walmart after that and spent the  $75 in gift cards we had gotten from our UChoose account that TVA offers us. After that, we went and got some Starbucks, YUMMO! We came back and put all our groceries and ordered pizza for lunch. After pizza, the girls got ready and went to the pool. That's where they spent the rest of the night, until Ron was done with burgers and then they came in to eat. I also managed to get FREE bottle of Aleve at CVS before our trip to Walmart, then went back and got some fingernail polish so I could redo my toes.


Today we got up and ate a little breakfast. The water in my ear from the pool last night was pretty intense and it was really bothering me. Ashley told me about her homemade remedy of warm rice in a sock, so off to the Dollar Tree I went. (See the pattern of CHEAP)!! I got some rice, and a pair of socks, a set of steak knives for the steaks that Ron just HAS to have tomorrow night. I picked up some earplugs and a few other odds and ends. I went to a "beachside" store and bought a beach bag because I forgot to bring one. When I got back to the room, the girls were on their way to the pool. Lucky for us, our room is pool side and we can watch them from the room.

After about half an hour to 45 minutes of laying on the rice, Ron and I got ready to go down to the ocean. First time in a day and a half of being here. From the ocean we came to the room to eat lunch, then the girls went back to the pool. Later we took a shirt back to Pennys and then to Hog Heaven for dinner.

That's been our vacation so far. I will post pictures tomorrow since my computer does not seem to want to work tonight. Good night all!

Come. (No more waiting)

Not so sure about blogging from my phone, but I just wanted everyone to know we are on our way.

It's 6:42 am, we definitely started out later than I wanted to. We have only been on the road 10 minutes and I'm already freezing, that's why I bring my red blanket on every vacation.

Adriana is already asleep, and I will be going soon. Ashley and I went school shopping last night, and I wasn't sure the whole tax free thing would make that big a difference, but it really seemed to help. Florida's tax free weekend will be August 12-14, so we will be taking advantage of that to grab shoes and some other odds and ends.

Since I'm blogging from my phone, I'm going to cut it short but I do have my computer so I will update. I think this is going to the best vacation yet, but those details will come later.

Boy, I hope I remembered everything.

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We~ 1 day left

So my post for today is coming a little late. Today has been a very stressful day, and adding to my excitement at only having ONE more day, I will also tell you a little bit about the sorrow and FRUSTRATIONS of the past two days.

Yesterday was the Calvins viewing and service, and everything was beautiful. There was a video on the big screen, with beautiful music in the background... some old hymns along with some of todays soft music and one of Cal's favorite songs. I think he would have been very proud. After everyone had been up to say their goodbyes, the guys that worked for the funeral home came up and closed the casket and the family came in. A song was sang by his "sister" (said loosely because of the way they have been to him for the whole of his life) followed by a few words from the preacher of the church where the funeral was being held, First Baptist Church of White Pine.

After the preacher spoke, Alan Hale a long time friend of Becky's sang a beautiful version of "Bellulah Land". I believe the whole room was moved to tears. Then a preacher that lives across the street from Becky spoke, followed by another song from Alan called "God On the Mountain". After that there was a beautiful reading from his sister Amber, then another prayer and then the family got up to leave. They rolled Calvin out to the hearst and it was time to go.

I will only give his "mother" THIS amount of attention: The biotch is PSYCHO and she better be glad we were at a church, because I almost lost my religion AT the church, I'm sure I would have at the funeral home.... I had to get it off my chest, and now I am done!

Today was HOT, there was no breeze to be found. We met at the cemetary and when everyone arrived, the pallbearers got the casket out and carried Calvin's earthly body to its final resting place. We followed behind him, surrounded by family and friends and the arms of our Lord, knowing that his spirit was already home. We listened as the preacher talked, he rejoiced and he grieved along with the rest of us. He knew our pain and he knew just what to say to touch our hearts. I am in awe of the power of our Lord, and I am amazed at the work that he does through his earthly sons and daughters. I am so blessed that I can say that I have had the Lord in my heart for such a long time and learning to grow in Him is amazing!

I've also been blessed to be in this family, and share in Calvin's growing. A couple years ago Becky decided she would take an extended weekend and go to the beach, she wanted to take her babies with her, so she did. She took Calvin, Barb and Drew and Adriana. She told me if I wanted to I could come up after work and stay there with them, so I did. I left after work on a Friday night and headed to Myrtle Beach all by myself. Today I thank God that he gave me the means to do that. I am so thankful for those days that I spent there with them, the time we got to spend with Calvin. Here is a picture from that trip:

I was very blessed to have this experience with him and even more blessed to know him. Thank you Lord.

So, now that the long drive to the beach will begin in about 14 hours, I will tell you once again that I am so READY for this trip. I know the drive is long and it will be so hot, but its times like these that you find the moments that take your breath away.

Family is the most important thing in life, unfortunately sometimes it takes tragedy for someone to figure this lesson out. I have known it forever! I could not be more blessed with the family that I have. I am proud of them all and couldn't have chosen any better for myself. I hope that everyone starts looking around for those moments that take your breath away, because that is what life is made of!

Here~ 2 more days

"Gonna put the the world away for a minute
Pretend I don't live in it
Sunshine gonna wash my blues away"

"Knee deep in the water somewhere
Got the blue sky breeze blowing wind through my hair
Only worry in the world is the tide gonna reach my chair"


Okay, so I haven't been very motivated to write this blog today. My heart is aching today, my family's pain is all around me, but outside of that I know the Lord's arms are wrapped tight around us. Its hard as heck to be excited about doing something when you are having to lay a loved one to rest only days before the excitement is supposed to begin. Thankfully, I know that Calvin would want us to be excited, so as bittersweet as the next couple of days will be, I will try my best to be happy about Saturday.
 
Today's ramblings aren't just going to be about our Daytona trip which begins in 2 days (yipee), but its also about viewing the body of our sweet Calvin, and the loss of him. Trying to get excited for this trip has been a hard thing. I remember in April and May saying, "Gosh, I don't know if I can wait four more months to go on vacation." It seems like in the blink of an eye though, its gone. Its two days away and we are no where near prepared. Not much packing has been done and house cleaning has been the furtherest from my mind.

Today's agenda consists of work until 4:00, then the long trip to White Pine (which I'm not looking forward to), with a stop in Sevierville to get Emily. We will then go to First Baptist Church of White Pine to see Calvin, to celebrate his life with his family and of course grieve some too. We will talk to his friends and even some that barely knew him. We will be strong for the ones that loved him, but also weak for the same ones. We will tell stories that make us laugh, and some that will make us cry, and he will be watching over us to make sure that everything goes well.

Here's a video to remember Calvin. Its a sad song, so if you think you can't handle it you probably shouldn't click on it. I didn't watch it because I'm pretty sure I won't make it through it! So I hope everytime you hear this song, you think of Calvin and know that he is resting high on his mountain, til its time to ride his skateboard. I know that he will show Mamaw Parker, and his Uncle Ronnie all the things he learned to do and I know that everyday he will watch his Aunt Becky and in the crisp breeze of an early morning wind she will hear his words of thanks for all the things she did for him, and all the things she meant to him.

Now that I am about ready to lose it, I will switch gears. I am so thankful that God gave me an amazing husband who shares the love of the ocean with me. I am so thankful for the means that he gives us to be able to do things with and for our children. I am excited to spend a week with my family, my wonderful husband and our girls. Through it all we will laugh, and fuss and sleep and eat, and we will love each other. I'm so blessed to be able to experience these things with the people that I love. God is good all the time, and he will show himself everyday that we are on vacation. He will be there in the sunrise, in the ocean waves, he will be there in the gentle breeze that blows. He will reveal himself in the sunset and in everything we do as a family. And I know that he will be holding hands with Calvin, and Calvin will be watching his neice live and love her life.

Thank you LORD for all your blessings.

T*W*O days to go.

Daytona~ 3 days

Just 3 more days.... THREE days that are going to be so long and drawn out, but when Saturday gets here, I think lots of weight will fly off our shoulders.

It seems like everytime something smacks us in the face, we look at each other and say, "only __ more days." It feels like it will never get here.

The only downside to going to Daytona from Tennessee is the long, long drive. The upside is 6 days and 7 nights of hearing the waves hit the shore, hearing the seagulls and feeling the sand between our toes. Its a full week of nothing at all to do, except what we want to.

In my head, the closer it gets all I can hear is Kenny singing:
"The sun and the sand and a drink in my hand with no bottom
And no shirt, no shirt, and no problems!
No problems"

Of course, if I had no shirt... I'm sure there would be a problem. I can't really walk around bare chested, as you can Kenny... but the rest is totally true. So from today til we leave, I will find a beach song and make sure that either the lyrics or a vid ends up in my blog.

Only 3 more days, come on Saturday!!

Bigger Plan

We learn in life that God has a bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves.

On July 20, 2011, Adriana's 16 year old uncle Calvin Kelley was in a skateboarding accident at Knoxville Skate Park in Tyson Park. Calvin was typical 16 year old who loved skating. He enjoyed every minute of it and his goal was to be a professional one day. His idols were people like Tony Hawk and Rob Dyrdek, and he strived to learn the tricks they could do so that one day he could be as good a skater as they are.

Calvin was hanging out with friends, skating and he attempted a trick that he didn't land. He fell, and when he did he hit his head. His friends and a father of one of the boys, watched as he layed there and they thought he was just gaining his composure but when he kept laying, the father rushed over to check on him. Calvin was bleeding from his head.

The father called 9-1-1, yet by the time the EMTs made it to Calvin he was alert and talking. The EMTs told his aunt that it was a probable concussion and they needed her to sign some papers. She and his sister loaded up for the hour drive from White Pine to Knoxville. By the time they got to UT hospital Calvin's platelets had dropped and he was in a coma. He was very critical, and he never came out of that very critical state.

The doctors shaved his red, skater boy hair, which had he woken up he would have been very angry about. They did an emergency surgery to relieve the swelling and pressure on his brain. To no avail. Days later, with his family still waiting their next step was to drill a hole to see if that would help relieve the swelling, but it didn't. After 7 days of keeping him in a medically induced coma, the doctors decided it would benefit him to bring him out of the coma and see what they could do from there. Two days later, all his medicine was gone and they did tests to see if Calvin had any kind of brain function at all. Unfortunately, he didn't.

On July 29, 2011 my daughter lost her uncle. In all reality, I am not part of the family with the exception of my daughter being half theirs but my heart will always be with the family. They have been a part of my life for so long, and even though I never married into the family they are still a part of me. My heart is broken for everyone of them, my heart is broken for myself. I've known Calvin since he was about three years old, and I've watched him grow into a sweet and thoughtful young man. I've known him through most of the stages of his life, and throughout the last seven years he has changed so much. I was blessed to know him, and hope that through this tragedy I can do something to honor his memory.

Sunday, the 31st Ron and I were sitting on the couch talking and I got upset. Trying to cheer me up he said, "why don't we see if we can get the name of the skate park changed for him and see if we can get a plaque put up." The light bulb went on, and we started looking for names and numbers. We built a Facebook page for him, and we are trying to petition the city to have the name of the skate park changed to Calvin Kelley Skate park. I will fight until this is done, I will take every step that needs to be taken and I will do my best to keep his memory alive. I will do my best to raise awareness about helmet safety, and try to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. Calvin did NOT die in vain, I will not let that be his legacy. I know that we have support. In fewer than 12 hours we had over 150 likes on our page, and that number just keeps rising. I can't wait to see where this journey takes us, I do know though at the end of the road Calvin will be smiling and his memory will be forever in our hearts.

Rest In Peace Calvin. You are forever loved.         

Countdown

Today is yet another day to continue my COUNTDOWN, only 4 days til we are Daytona bound. It can't come soon enough. I know that it's going to be so hot, but that doesn't matter. I can't wait for the mornings where, you get up whenever you want, and go to bed as late as you want. No work the next day makes this possible.

We will spend our week fussing about how hot it is, arguing about how one of us wants to do something but someone else wants to do something else, we will spend time debating what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner then listening to whining and whimpering when the adults pick something that the kids don't want to eat. We will swim in the pool and get exhausted, we will go down to the beach and get sunburnt and then whine about how the salt water hurts our sunburn. We will fuss because the beds suck and because our pillows do too....

BUT, no matter what, we will be there as a FAMILY. We will have just as many, if not more fun times than complaints and we will love each other the whole time. We wouldn't feel right leaving the girls behind, because its family time that we can never get back. Once the week of August 6th through the 14th of 2011 is gone, we can never go back and do it over. I am so excited about this trip, and what it means. I've learned over this last year that even though we can always find things to complain about, we never have it half as bad as we think we do and we should always thank the Lord for what we have, the things we can do, and all the blessings he gives. We should always praise his name, even in the storm. That's what I will strive for everyday of our vacation.

Little "piece" of Mind

The countdown begins. Well, actually I've been counting for months and months but we are in the home stretch now.

This time, 5 days from now we will be in Daytona and I can NOT wait. I need some rest and relaxation, a little time away from the real world. A small break from the last few weeks and months.

I remember the first "family" trip to Daytona, we had a lot of fun. We took the girls to Disneyworld. I got my first experience at the Daytona Speedway, it was amazing inside and the track was so awesome to see. The best part of that trip, though was that my amazing husband (then boyfriend) made me so happy and proposed.

Most would think of a proposal at Daytona Speedway as redneck, I mean, I can hear it now, "You might be a redneck if you get engaged where NASCAR events are held." Hahaha, I get it. To me though, that was the PERFECT place. My man knows what I love and he made sure to cater to that for me.

Here is a picture of my ring that he took after he proposed:

That was so special to me. That was August of 2007, and we were married May 1, 2010. He is so amazing, we have our ups and downs but we are made for each other.

So we have been to Daytona two times, and we went to Myrtle Beach last year, so back to Daytona we go. And leaving isn't coming fast enough! Come on Saturday morning. Just 5 more days.