Bigger Plan

We learn in life that God has a bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves.

On July 20, 2011, Adriana's 16 year old uncle Calvin Kelley was in a skateboarding accident at Knoxville Skate Park in Tyson Park. Calvin was typical 16 year old who loved skating. He enjoyed every minute of it and his goal was to be a professional one day. His idols were people like Tony Hawk and Rob Dyrdek, and he strived to learn the tricks they could do so that one day he could be as good a skater as they are.

Calvin was hanging out with friends, skating and he attempted a trick that he didn't land. He fell, and when he did he hit his head. His friends and a father of one of the boys, watched as he layed there and they thought he was just gaining his composure but when he kept laying, the father rushed over to check on him. Calvin was bleeding from his head.

The father called 9-1-1, yet by the time the EMTs made it to Calvin he was alert and talking. The EMTs told his aunt that it was a probable concussion and they needed her to sign some papers. She and his sister loaded up for the hour drive from White Pine to Knoxville. By the time they got to UT hospital Calvin's platelets had dropped and he was in a coma. He was very critical, and he never came out of that very critical state.

The doctors shaved his red, skater boy hair, which had he woken up he would have been very angry about. They did an emergency surgery to relieve the swelling and pressure on his brain. To no avail. Days later, with his family still waiting their next step was to drill a hole to see if that would help relieve the swelling, but it didn't. After 7 days of keeping him in a medically induced coma, the doctors decided it would benefit him to bring him out of the coma and see what they could do from there. Two days later, all his medicine was gone and they did tests to see if Calvin had any kind of brain function at all. Unfortunately, he didn't.

On July 29, 2011 my daughter lost her uncle. In all reality, I am not part of the family with the exception of my daughter being half theirs but my heart will always be with the family. They have been a part of my life for so long, and even though I never married into the family they are still a part of me. My heart is broken for everyone of them, my heart is broken for myself. I've known Calvin since he was about three years old, and I've watched him grow into a sweet and thoughtful young man. I've known him through most of the stages of his life, and throughout the last seven years he has changed so much. I was blessed to know him, and hope that through this tragedy I can do something to honor his memory.

Sunday, the 31st Ron and I were sitting on the couch talking and I got upset. Trying to cheer me up he said, "why don't we see if we can get the name of the skate park changed for him and see if we can get a plaque put up." The light bulb went on, and we started looking for names and numbers. We built a Facebook page for him, and we are trying to petition the city to have the name of the skate park changed to Calvin Kelley Skate park. I will fight until this is done, I will take every step that needs to be taken and I will do my best to keep his memory alive. I will do my best to raise awareness about helmet safety, and try to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. Calvin did NOT die in vain, I will not let that be his legacy. I know that we have support. In fewer than 12 hours we had over 150 likes on our page, and that number just keeps rising. I can't wait to see where this journey takes us, I do know though at the end of the road Calvin will be smiling and his memory will be forever in our hearts.

Rest In Peace Calvin. You are forever loved.         

Just a closer walk with thee

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the Earth" Psalm 46;10

~2011 has been a hard year. Through those hardships though, I have found my faith. I've known all along that God is with me, I've known all along that he loves me, but our relationship has been "on the rocks".

Raised in church, and forced to go, I became and have been a child of rebellion. I've lived a life of thinking that being saved was good enough, that I could stay home from church and still be just as saved. Truth? Yes, but fulfilling? No! I've sat home so many Sundays doing nothing, being lazy or cleaning my house because I can worship in my own way. I don't need church to pray, and thank the Lord for what he does for me. The trouble with that line of thinking is that I never did any of those things.

Never took a minute to stop and say thank you Lord. Never took at minute to ASK for something that I needed, or for blessings for others. I never picked up my bible to study, or try to understand the language of the Lord. I used those lazy Sundays, the ones that I could use for "praise in my own time" for just that, MY own time. I never did what I rationalized with myself that I could do.

As I said before, I was raised in church. Revivals, Bible school, church trips, and visiting. I've always loved my church family and known that I had support there but it was so much easier to just do my own thing. I guess you don't realize how much you need the Lord when you are young and thinking about the things you WANT to do verses the things you NEED to do. I really wish I had learned this lesson earlier in life.

This year, although in past years I never thought life could be worse, probably has actually been the worst. The only exceptions are 1) I had my one year wedding anniversary this year, which some days I never thought would happen, and 2) I have really found my strength in the Lord. The situations and occurrences of this year have brought me so much closer to the Lord, and I have really found that I truly can not walk without him holding my hand, and in some instances I wouldn't make it if he weren't there to carry me through.

"The mountain's too high and the valley's too wide.
Down on my knees, I learned to stand.
And I can't even walk without You holding my hand."

From January to this very minute, my experiences have made me wonder what I was thinking. I've always been the type that says things such as, "everything happens for a reason" and "God won't put on you more than you can handle". Its so easy to say things and to have the best intentions, but its so hard to have faith in what you say. It's so easy to say I'll pray for you when things get hard for someone you love, but its much harder to actually make the time to do so. Intentions are wonderful when followed by action, but most intentions sit in the corner of our minds and don't get any further than the back of our eyes.

"God is good all the time", and that is a testament that I have a whole lot of trouble remembering. I look around daily and see all the bad in the world. The drugs, and prostitution, the murders and suicides, the child abuse and neglect, the famine, homelessness and unemployment..... the helplessness. It saddens me to a state of such depression that its hard to want to keep watching. For many years I have refused to watch the news or read much of the newspaper. The news comes on the radio and I change the channel because the depression quickly takes over. Thank goodness, all that seems to be changing.

I have had, as have the people in my life, many trials, tribulations and tragedies in the almost eight months since this year began. Lots of hurt and death, lots of scary times, but for all of those I am thankful. "God is good all the time." He is perfection, he is love, and his plans are ultimate. My latest obstacle in 2011, has been one of the most trying and ongoing. Its one that is trying my faith beyond what I'm used to, its pushing me and there are times that I want to give up, but I won't. I will never give up, because if I do I feel like I will be giving up on Calvin.

Calvin is a young man who's family I was part of for many years, his brother is Adriana's dad and I've known him since he was about 3 or 4. This past week he had a skateboarding accident and he hit his head. I don't have many details, except to know that he is in a coma. He has cords, lines, and tubes everywhere and while trying to be positive and not letting him know it was taking my breath away I went in to see him and talk to him. I have prayed, probably more in the past few days than in many years, and I have to say that I am so sorry for making it a tragedy that brings me closer to the Lord, but it has been. A year of tragedies ending with a 'Heavenly' relationship with HIM is worth it all. All the struggles.... well, he knows what he is doing. I'm far from perfect, and I fall short of his glory everyday. I am not worthy of one blessing from him, but fortunately for me he thinks I am.

above all else.