Pretend I don't live in it
Sunshine gonna wash my blues away"
"Knee deep in the water somewhere
Got the blue sky breeze blowing wind through my hair
Only worry in the world is the tide gonna reach my chair"
Okay, so I haven't been very motivated to write this blog today. My heart is aching today, my family's pain is all around me, but outside of that I know the Lord's arms are wrapped tight around us. Its hard as heck to be excited about doing something when you are having to lay a loved one to rest only days before the excitement is supposed to begin. Thankfully, I know that Calvin would want us to be excited, so as bittersweet as the next couple of days will be, I will try my best to be happy about Saturday.
Today's ramblings aren't just going to be about our Daytona trip which begins in 2 days (yipee), but its also about viewing the body of our sweet Calvin, and the loss of him. Trying to get excited for this trip has been a hard thing. I remember in April and May saying, "Gosh, I don't know if I can wait four more months to go on vacation." It seems like in the blink of an eye though, its gone. Its two days away and we are no where near prepared. Not much packing has been done and house cleaning has been the furtherest from my mind.
Today's agenda consists of work until 4:00, then the long trip to White Pine (which I'm not looking forward to), with a stop in Sevierville to get Emily. We will then go to First Baptist Church of White Pine to see Calvin, to celebrate his life with his family and of course grieve some too. We will talk to his friends and even some that barely knew him. We will be strong for the ones that loved him, but also weak for the same ones. We will tell stories that make us laugh, and some that will make us cry, and he will be watching over us to make sure that everything goes well.
Here's a video to remember Calvin. Its a sad song, so if you think you can't handle it you probably shouldn't click on it. I didn't watch it because I'm pretty sure I won't make it through it! So I hope everytime you hear this song, you think of Calvin and know that he is resting high on his mountain, til its time to ride his skateboard. I know that he will show Mamaw Parker, and his Uncle Ronnie all the things he learned to do and I know that everyday he will watch his Aunt Becky and in the crisp breeze of an early morning wind she will hear his words of thanks for all the things she did for him, and all the things she meant to him.
Now that I am about ready to lose it, I will switch gears. I am so thankful that God gave me an amazing husband who shares the love of the ocean with me. I am so thankful for the means that he gives us to be able to do things with and for our children. I am excited to spend a week with my family, my wonderful husband and our girls. Through it all we will laugh, and fuss and sleep and eat, and we will love each other. I'm so blessed to be able to experience these things with the people that I love. God is good all the time, and he will show himself everyday that we are on vacation. He will be there in the sunrise, in the ocean waves, he will be there in the gentle breeze that blows. He will reveal himself in the sunset and in everything we do as a family. And I know that he will be holding hands with Calvin, and Calvin will be watching his neice live and love her life.
Thank you LORD for all your blessings.
T*W*O days to go.
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