A New day has come

In the famous words of Dr. Phil, "today is going to be a changing day."
As I sit here at work, in my big tall chair with my pants squeezing my stomach until I can't breath, I have come to realize a very important thing....

I AM FAT.

Okay, so most of you reading this, (if there is anyone, LOL) will say, "stop that, you are not fat." I hear that all the time, from my wonderful friends and my lovely family... but I am here to tell you that my pants SCREAM otherwise! As do the scales. I step on, and after a few turns around the zero they yell, "Please step off, we can't handle all this stress!!"

I look in the mirror daily and see someone that I do not like! Although, everyone has different perceptions of the same thing, and some may not see me as I do, I can't help but be disgusted by what I see.

I remember being in school, and all I could think was about how fat I was and how I just wanted to be as skinny as the "popular" girls. HAHA! I still have pictures of myself when I was in high school, pictures of me four months pregnant and arms looking like rails. I look back on those and think how silly I was back then. How I wish now that I could look like that again, and how I wish that it was easy to lose it now. Its not.

On Tuesday I had an epiphany. I got out the transaction register that goes along with my checkbook, and I started adding... the numbers astounded me!

That is the total I came up with for how much I've spent on fast food and sit down restaurants in..... wait for it...... here it comes....

4 months. From March 8th of this year, the good ole Twenty-eleven til July 26th, which was two days ago. DISGUSTING!

I was really appalled with myself. I sit and wallow in my fatness, I mean, there is enough of it to drown in, so why not wallow in it, then I find the real culprit of my problem. Can I just tell you how upset I was to find out that the culprit was ME!!

So I have decided that TODAY will be a changing day in my life. Today, I stop eating fast food, NO MATTER WHAT. I have excuses a'plenty for eating out. "I'm tired, I don't want to cook. I have nothing thawed out to cook. I don't know what I want." I also have children who have grown to think that if McDonalds, Wendy's or Taco Bell doesn't cook it, its not dinner.

This is what dinner time in my house sounds like. "What's for dinner Mom?" I say, "spaghetti", and I hear, "yuck"! "Well, how about hamburgers and hot dogs?" "Ew, gross, why do we have to eat that?" "Well, I can make porkchops." "Oh, gross, I'm not eating at all."

I then proceed to say, through much frustration, "well, find yourself something for dinner. Make whatever you want." And then the dreaded..."there is nothing in this house to eat, I don't know why we can't go out for dinner!" 

GRR!!

So, as of today, I am going to break hearts. If they don't want what I make for dinner.... eat a sandwich. If we are out somewhere around lunch time, too bad. Wait til we get home. I am done being fat, and done being broke! Now, I know that fast food tastes SO good and I know that when I go to Applebee's I can't leave without that Maple Blondie, I mean after all just look at it....

But I will be stronger than the food. I will resist the urge to pull out that little plastic card, and pay for something that will add 20 extra pounds. I will, I can, I have to!

Oh Lord, Please help!