2011 has been one of the most horrible years that I can remember. Being a person who suffers from depression, I have had many bad years. I guess most of them I have made bad with my lack of trying to beat my depression, my giving into the disease but this year is different. This year has just been horrible, and I wrote about some of that in another blog that I have, titled "Good-bye For Now". Since February 19th of this year I have had to go to 4 funerals. YES, I said FOUR funerals. I have said time and time again that I am the WORST when it comes to death. I don't like it, I'm sure no one does but even if I don't know the person who passed away I can still feel the tears welling up.
My heart absolutely breaks when someone passes away. They don't have to be family or friend, heck they don't even have to be human. I don't like death because I don't do well with change. Death is the most final change ever, there is no coming back. There are no more hugs or kisses, no more returned I love yous! Everyday someone dies, its a horrible fact but it's true. To my knowledge there has never been and will never be a solid day that goes by that someone doesn't lose their life, and I hate that!
I know what it feels like to lose someone you love, someone who has been in your life for so long and now all of a sudden they are gone. It's life altering. I have dealt with this so many times in my life, losing family and friends, young and old. Some have been expected due to disease or age, others have been so unexpected, so sudden. No matter what the circumstance, the sting is all the same. It is so hard to wake up everyday and know that you will never see that person you loved again.
This year alone, as I said I have dealt with this four times. Four deaths, and 3 of them have been family, one a family friend. All the years of my life I have never had to deal with four deaths in one year, until 2011. This year I lost my aunt, that is probably the hardest hit I've ever taken. That February morning remains, and probably always will remain one of the worst days of my life. Two weeks to the day later, I lost my baby cousin. Sweet and precious baby Sydney was 3 years old, and she truly was a miracle. She was a beautiful baby girl that went home to be with the Lord on March 5th of this year. I was hoping that she would be the last. I was hoping that no other hearts in my family would be broken in the course of this year. Unfortunately, that just wasn't to be.
Four short months later, another difficult blow. Adriana's uncle Calvin had a serious skateboard accident, and only days later succumed to his injuries. Calvin lost his battle on July 29, 2011, and my daughter lost her uncle. Her aunt Becky lost her "son" and my friend lost her baby brother. Death tears lives apart, it turns your world upside down and almost stops time. The saying is that death comes in threes, so I figured that surely Calvin would be the last. I didn't know if I could take anymore, I didn't want to have to deal with anymore and certainly didn't want the hearts of those that I love to go through pain either.
Again though, the bad news came. Another loss. September 6th brought a day of such sadness for a family that I love so much. A family friend of our's lost her bestfriend and the father of her children to an accident. We don't know the situation or how it happened, but he collided head on with a bus and lost his life. His wife lost her husband, and her children ages 16, 12, and 10 lost one of the most amazing father's I have ever known of. Again, major heartbreak for people I love.
Through all of this I have had to remember that GOD IS GOOD! It's not always easy to know that he has a purpose for everything, but he does. We will never know the reason for everything he does but no matter what we have to have faith that he is doing what is best for us. Every death has brought me a little closer to him. I'm not saying that these deaths have happened because of me, I don't believe that he was concentrating on me when he took these people from our lives but it has definitely shocked me awake. He shook me to my core and since February I have opened my eyes and my heart to him. I am thankful, and through it all I am blessed! Now though, you can understand why I am ready for a new year!
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